"I’m just not that kind of person."
Jason October 9th, 2006
This phrase is entirely too common. Along with it, goes, “I don’t think I could do that,” and “I’ve never been good at (insert attribute or ability here),” and countless others. These tend to appear when most people are presented with an opportunity to do something that they’re not normally accustomed to. Maybe it’s a leadership position in their club or church. Maybe it’s a new job or business opportunity. Maybe it’s said when presented with a way to solve a relationship problem by handling it a different way.
Regardless of the situation, the root source of these statements, I’ve found, are one of two things: Fear or Apathy. We’re either afraid of making the necessary changes, or afraid of the unknown. Or, conversely, we’re just not truly interested enough in producing the results we say we want to put forth the effort required.
As an entrepreneur, I’m a salesman. All entrepreneurs, ultimately, must have sales and promotion skills, as we’re constantly either promoting a thing or idea in order to grow our businesses, and lead our team members, employees, investors, or what have you.
I’m going to let you in on a big secret… when I started, I was not a salesman. I had a very negative view of sales, and was scared to death of rejection. However, I decided to become a salesman because I realized it was a mandatory requirement for me to fulfill my dreams. Let me share another big secret with you… very few people are “natural” salespeople. Some can naturally generate enthusiasm, but fail to close and follow through. Others can close a sale, but they fail to make a friend, and consequently fail to get the referrals essential to success in sales. The good news is, anyone can create in themselves the necessary personality or skills to do anything.
Now, I’m not suggesting that we need to totally go against the grain of our predisposition. But, if there’s something you’d like to have, or have happen, or not have happen anymore, it very well may require you to step out a bit.
Most of the time, the doctrine is to change. Either change your actions, habits, or even aspects of your root personality. But in most “personal development” material (particularly sales books) little is said about how to do it. Here’s a few ideas from my own experiences on how to start.
Let’s face it: We are what we are because that’s what we’re used to being. We’re comfortable operating in the personality and skill circles that we currently operate in. Generally, that’s because we’re gravitating toward characteristics that partially we’re born with, and partially were encouraged, either by someone who was important to us, or by positive results we received when we exercised those characteristics or skills. And, sometimes, we do not show other traits, or participate in certain activities, because of negative reinforcement we received when we did. It’s simply a matter of conditioning. It’s a mode of operation.
Here’s the great news: We all have what it takes within us to switch to another mode, when the need arises. What I mean is, picture yourself as the person who can do what you want to do. How do they talk? What do they look like? How do they interact with others? How do they approach the kind of challenges you may face? Be as detailed as possible in your description. Write it down, if you like, so you can refer to it later and add to the mental photograph of this capable person.
Now… do those things.
I know, it sounds over-simplified. It is. On purpose. Most things in life are just about as complicated or as simple as we expect them to be. I choose simple.
Have you ever seen in interviews with top actors how they describe “getting in to the character?” Or professional sports players talking about “getting in the zone?” It’s exactly the same thing. They are visualizing themselves as being the character, or being the MVP. They do it so much, and with practice, so effectively that they convince their subconscious mind that they are that person. Then, they can more effectively behave as, or produce the results of, the visualization.
Now, I must emphasize that this isn’t about faking yourself out, being a “poser,” or going pseudo-schitzo. All you’re really doing is learning to amplify or attenuate various aspects of your personality in order to shift yourself into a mode of operation that is more effective to a given situation.
Look at it like a personality toolset. You wouldn’t use a hammer to paint a wall.