Look Inward, Not Outward, for Your Solution
Jason December 18th, 2006
We’ve often heard it said that we cannot really change others, we can only change ourselves. When you come right down to it, I believe this is the case. While we can sometimes influence others, ultimately, it’s up to them to make the decision to change. Additionally, we can only influence change in others inasmuch as we have the relationship, ability, and proper approach to relate to that particular person, and more importantly, they want to change in the first place.So, where does that leave us when we’re stuck? “Stuck” with difficult people or relationships… “Stuck” with financial issues… “Stuck” with whatever we think we’re stuck with…
You already know where I’m going with this, don’t you? The first thing we have to recognize is, 99.9% of our “problems” are caused by ourselves. Yup… suck it up. You did it. Why?
You have a habit, or collection of habits, that don’t really work for you. You just don’t know it yet. Over time, those habits you’ve retained have moved you into the place where you have to deal with the challenge you face.
Why do you have the habit? Because you like it. Because it’s comfortable. Because of some kind of emotional imbalance that started years ago when your mama criticized you in public, or when you got the snot beat out of you by cousin Charlie. Who knows… it could be any collection of patterns that have evolved in your personality. Call them emotional triggers, or behavioral ruts. Either way, they are patterns we have established because, up until now, they’ve worked.
But, maybe they’re not working anymore.
When in the face of adversity, do not become so focused on your percieved opponent that you lose focus of our own form. In other words, keep your cool, and stay focused on your objective. Many times, the easier path is to mould ourselves around the obstacle rather than move or attack the obstacle. The only way you will find your way around or through the challenge is to stay calm and relaxed. Once you get emotional about it, you’re chances of finding the best solution evaporate.
For me, it actually helps me stay calm when I continually recognize that whatever is coming into my life, good, bad, or indifferent, I asked for. There’s nothing to get mad about; you ordered it. Now, either eat it, or send it back. Your choice. Then, learn from it. Figure out why that issue came up, and what you can do to prevent it in the future.
Remember, that’s what difficulties are for… (no, it’s not just to drive you crazy.) They’re for learning. And only when we don’t learn and grow from them are they truly unfortunate.
The end of this article is so true, we learn from our difficulties, our mistakes.
If mistakes were so bad none of us would have ever learned to walk!
Great post.
Josh
Very impressive article. Keep up the great work!
Alex Shalman
www.alexshalman.com/blog