Archive for the 'Personal Growth' Category

Who really ruined your day?

Jason December 22nd, 2007

Basics. I love basics. I love them because getting a grip on the basics makes big changes happen. Here’s one of my favorites…

When was the last time you heard (or said) one of the following:

“… really makes me mad.”

“… it just ruined my whole day.”

“… drives me crazy.”

“… gets on my nerves.”

… you get the idea. Negative statements about how some person or thing caused you to react… well… negatively. Most people, including myself, can attest to having made statements like this at some point. Probably recently. Probably regularly.

The truth is, of course, that nothing and no one outside of yourself causes you to be mad, upset, or crazy… and they certainly aren’t responsible for ruining your day. You are.

Yup, here we go again… It’s your responsibility to decide how you want to react. If you get mad, then for whatever reason that’s programmed in your psyche, you wanted to get mad. You wanted to feel crazy. You wanted to have an excuse to write off the day and pout.

Subconsciously, of course. Consciously, you know it’s not the best way to respond, so the simple escape from this accountability is to blame whatever outside source is most convenient.

Getting emotionally out of whack rarely helps a situation. Oh, it can seem to, short-term. You can beat someone down with your anger, and feel better because you got to “vent”. But, long-term, it’s always damaging.

So, unless we want to constant be at the mercy of things you cannot control (namely, other people’s attitudes and behaviors), we need to learn to respond to situations, not react. Big difference.

Responding involves thinking, consciously making choices, then acting.

Reacting is a knee jerk. It’s involuntary. It’s entirely a product of conditioning.

Everything you’ve experienced thus far in your life has conditioned you with the situational responses you currently have. They’re just waiting to be tapped at any moment. To make a scientific analogy, these are like “potential energy”, that when triggered into a reaction, become “kinetic energy.”

I know there are therapies like hypnosis, NLP, and all kinds of other psychological whiz-bangs available designed to help you reprogram your subconscious patterns. I personally have little experience with any of them, so I cannot speak on that.

Personally, I’ve only found one real solution to take control back over your emotions, reactions, and responses, and that’s practice. To me, this makes sense… everything you’ve ever learned and gotten good at took practice. Consistent, conscious effort, applied methodically, improves performance.

Make the decision of how you want to handle yourself in situations. Visualize yourself responding in the manner you want to. Get a picture of what the ideal “you” is like. How you walk, talk, and handle yourself. Emotionally connect with that vision…. how does it feel to be that person. Guess what… that person is already inside you. You just need to bring him or her out!

The first, and most important, step here is to take ultimate responsibility for your own emotions. It is not the other fellow’s fault that you got mad. He’s responsible for his actions, and you’re responsible for you re-actions. Stop blaming outside sources. Now. From this foundation, you can now start the process of disciplining yourself to flow through your daily life on your terms, because you’re no longer turning the power and control over to an outside source.

Sounds great… sounds easy. Takes lots of consistent practice. And practice is never done, because we can always improve upon the vision of our ideal selves. It will take effort, plenty of time, and you must be honest with yourself through the process.

Remember, it’s taken your whole life up to now to learn your current reactions. Now, you’re simply taking control to decide what reactions and responses you want to have.

Stay Up! Now Get Some Sleep…

Jason December 20th, 2007

I’m one of those people who’s best thinking is often done at 11 PM or later. For whatever reason, that’s when inspiration tends to strike me. Unfortunately, it’s also when Captain Ramble-On-Forever and Dr. Philosophical-Discussion can strike, too. What can I say… it’s in my nature.I recently rescinded a post that I made on one such night at 3 AM. I couldn’t sleep, and had this big, profound, deep thought in my head, so I posted on it. There was nothing really wrong with the post, intellectually… But, I pulled it anyway.

Here’s why:

I got some personal comments like, “Wow, that’s pretty heavy,” and “Gee, I can tell you wrote this at 3 in the morning…”

So, I revisited the post… read it again. And they were right. It was ultra-intense. It was no-fun. And, it just plain didn’t fit the theme of this site.

Now, here’s the reminders:

• Always be aware of how you present yourself. Be consistent. And for heaven’s sake, be positive. This applies in all areas of life, whether in person, on a website, in your email… whatever. Find a groove that works for you and stick to it. If you’re doing anything on the web, always remember: Google can find it, and so can your customers.

• Don’t be afraid to correct yourself. If you find you’ve veered of course in the theme of your presentation for a moment, that’s cool. It means that you’re exploring other angles. But, if the angle isn’t right, doesn’t really fit, or is counterproductive, then fix it. If you can undo it, undo it. If you can’t, then be honest, suck it up, eat your crow, then make it right. Listen to the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) cues from your readers, clientelle, etc. for hints. They will tell you, but usually not directly unless you ask.

• Wait until you’re well rested before you actually do anything public with things you think up at 3 in the morning.

Oh… and, of course…

• If you make a mistake, learn from it.

Purpose Beyond Priorities

Jason February 4th, 2007

It’s been over a month since my last post, which clearly indicates that this fellow is certainly not in the running for “most prolific blogger.” The good news is, the fact that it has been so long gives me a good point to discuss: Priorities.Blogging is something I do to share, and something I find interesting. It forces me to sharpen my perspective, while offering the opportunity to share those ideas with others. You see, when I did the previous posts I really looked hard at my personal purpose and goal lists, and “blog” was no where on there.

For me, blogging isn’t so much about density as it is about quality. As such, I’m extremely selective in which blogs, forums, etc. that I keep up with. While I’ve recently begun Paul Schele’s “Photoreading” course (amazing stuff - try it before you disregard it as nonsense), I’m currently a relatively slow reader. This means reading takes time, and lots of it. For me, reading is a priority, so I make time for it. But, it has to fit in with everything else, in proper proportion and balance.

Sometimes, I think personal development buffs allow themselves to get so focused on the preparation of personal development that they never actually implement any of the concepts, techniques, or other “stuff” that we learned. Personal development and blogging have both become very valuable industries to those who ultimately put the book down and apply what they learn to their own ventures. Let’s not allow ourselves to get so caught up in activity and “staying busy” that we forget about purpose.

I see people daily who are very busy going as fast as they can to no place in particular. You know the ones I mean. These folks forgot to review their purpose or goal list that morning. They’re involved in every activity, extra-curricular, club, social organization… you name it, under the sun, which is great. I’m a big believer in being involved with your community, church, family, schools, and so on. But there comes a point where, in trying to give 100% to everything, we can give 100% to nothing. We all can grow and stretch to do more, but we all need to know our current limits, too. It’s that balance thing again. Being a leader isn’t about being the leader in everything. It’s about being a leader in the things that are most important to you and your purpose. Besides, maybe the leadership role in that 4th or 5th volunteer association you’re a member of is the perfect training ground for a new, up and coming community leader. Give them that chance.

So, identify what your main purpose and/or goals are. Break it down… over the course of your life, in the next 20 years, next 10 years, next 5 years, next year, next month, next week, tomorrow. Use some of the techniques from my previous post. This may sound intimidating, and it should. It’s probably one of the most challenging things you’re going to do… determining what the heck you really want to do with your life. Just remember, you’re not locked in here on the super-long-term things… these can and will evolve.

The point is:
• Get focused on something.
• Determine the action steps required.
• Do them.

No magic formula here. This is what it takes, day by day. And doing it day by day is the secret. It’s been said the secret to your success is hidden in your daily routine. Whoever said that wasn’t lying. What’s your daily routine? How much of that activity is truly in line with your goals, outlined above? When you get honest about that, if you’re feeling a bit stunned, embarrassed, silly, or what-have-you… Remember:

It’s okay.
You’re not alone.
Now, fix it.

Make A List: Personal Organization for Success, 101

Jason December 29th, 2006

Admittedly, I might be a bit OCD when it comes to tracking things that are important to me. I have lists, ledgers, and logs for darn near everything. Lists are good. Lists are really good if you review them regularly.That said, I do have to caution against going crazy with organization. Effective organization is one of the greatest efficiency-enhancers, but I have found there is a point of diminishing returns. One can be over-organized. Some organizational concepts and tools sound great, but for me, if it can’t move as fast as I can think, it better be really worth the time I invest into it.

However, far more people are on the side of the equation where greater control over their lives would behoove them. Below are some tips on the primary element of my personal organization armory… Lists.

Most of the lists I keep are pretty standard, but let me share with you some specifics on how I think about these “blase” lists. I’ve placed them in a specific, stacked order, and should build on each other logically along with this flow.

1. Aspirations - Some people call these dreams. That’s cool, but “aspirations” sounds a bit more committed to me. Don’t ask me why. What do you really want to do / have, that maybe you are not able to see the way to yet? No dates needed here… just go crazy. This is the place where your imagination can run wild. Aspirations are allowed to be right on the edge of what you believe can happen for you, but not over it. If you don’t believe it, don’t bother. Without belief that these things can happen, they won’t happen. This list should inspire you, excite you just by reading it. Get pictures or other visual cues to help sharpen your belief and your vision.

2. Goals

Most of us know what a goal is, so I’m not going to expand too much on this. My definition of a “goal” is a dream with a date on it. It has to be measurable and realistic. Keep goal lists for the various areas of your life… Business, Financial, Personal, Family, Spiritual, etc. If you don’t really plan to achieve it in the time frame you set, don’t put it on the list. No use fooling yourself.

3. Plan

Now that you have goals, what are you doing to move toward them… specifically. Make sure your plan does not include things that really are goals. In other words, the plan should simply be a series of doorways to walk through (often repeatedly) that inevitably lead to the achievement of the goal. A plan is, in a way, the Master Task List of what you need to do to reach your goal.

4. Calendar Appointments

Your calendar is, in fact, a list of places to go, people to see. I’m a Mac user, so I use iCal. Some folks prefer more “advanced” applications, like Daylite, but iCal is just perfect for me. A few calendar-keeping tips that I find essential:

• Categorize your calendar. Use color-codes, or whatever system works for you. I break down my calendar quite a bit beyond the usual “personal or business” categories. For example, I keep separate categories for the type of business event it is: Maintenance, or Growth. In other words, does the appointment have a direct impact toward the growth-side of your business or project, or is it more of an administrative thing? This is a great aid in determining where your time is really being spent, and thereby prioritizing your schedule toward the things that are most important.

• Keep EVERYTHING on your calendar. Every single activity I do, from an important meeting to a block of time for my kids, is in my calendar. This is another great tool to keep track of what you’re really spending your time doing. Don’t delete business appointments that were cancelled or postponed by another party. Just recategorize them. While final results are the ultimate necessity, at least when you look back, you know you were on the ball. If you see a lot of cancellations, then maybe an area for improvement is your ability to inspire priority for meetings into the other attendees.

• Share the love. If you and your associates or coworkers are using a computer-based calendar, take advantage of the appointment/calendar sharing abilities it has. iCal is great for this, but there are simple ways to do it with many other applications, like Outlook. Keeping everyone on the same page with each other’s activities breeds teamwork, cooperation, and collaboration. It also helps everyone feel a part of what the company is trying to accomplish. Share calendars with your spouse or significant other, too. It can save a lot of personal scheduling conflicts (ie. arguments) if you do.

5. Tasks

To me, a task list is nothing more than a calendar for things that either happen over longer periods of time, or in less than 15 minutes. Stuff like, “Call Bill,” “Get milk from the store,” or “Do Acme Corp’s. proposal,” or “Develop a Business Plan for X.” I treat tasks just like calendar appointments… The same rules apply regarding categorization. Since tasks are primarily things you and only you need to deal with, I generally do not share task information with others.

6. Opportunities - What real opportunities do you have “in the fire?” I love this list. It shows you what potential you have right in front of you. Having this list prevents time wasted trying to figure out what to do next. It can contain sales prospects that just need a bit more followup before the sale, or people that you want to do a lunch with to see if you may have any mutual interests, and can benefit each other. It can be as big as an entire business idea you have that you’d like to research. This list is like the pot of boiling water; there’s nothing you’re going to do to make it boil faster, but if you don’t keep applying heat (ignore it), it definitely won’t boil. Key point: The idea is to get things OFF this list and either completed, into action, or dropped. It’s not just there to make you feel like someday, you might be able to do something. ;-)

7. Finances - Technically, this really isn’t a list. But, it’s an important tangible item to keep tabs on. Know where you’re at, at all times. Few things are more dangerous to long term personal success than financial vagueness. Know your net worth. Know where you spend your money. Know why you spend your money in that way.

Now that you have the lists, here’s two important things to really make them worth the time it took to make them:

• Review your lists regularly. Daily, or even twice a day, if possible. A goal ignored is not aimed for. A task list not carried is useless.

• Remain flexible. Don’t be afraid to change things on the list. This is not the Ten Commandments. As you grow, your priorities may change. That’s okay. Make the necessary adjustments. The point here to get where you want to go, not to aim for something that really isn’t important to you anymore.

"I’m just not that kind of person."

Jason October 9th, 2006

This phrase is entirely too common. Along with it, goes, “I don’t think I could do that,” and “I’ve never been good at (insert attribute or ability here),” and countless others. These tend to appear when most people are presented with an opportunity to do something that they’re not normally accustomed to. Maybe it’s a leadership position in their club or church. Maybe it’s a new job or business opportunity. Maybe it’s said when presented with a way to solve a relationship problem by handling it a different way.

Regardless of the situation, the root source of these statements, I’ve found, are one of two things: Fear or Apathy. We’re either afraid of making the necessary changes, or afraid of the unknown. Or, conversely, we’re just not truly interested enough in producing the results we say we want to put forth the effort required.

As an entrepreneur, I’m a salesman. All entrepreneurs, ultimately, must have sales and promotion skills, as we’re constantly either promoting a thing or idea in order to grow our businesses, and lead our team members, employees, investors, or what have you.

I’m going to let you in on a big secret… when I started, I was not a salesman. I had a very negative view of sales, and was scared to death of rejection. However, I decided to become a salesman because I realized it was a mandatory requirement for me to fulfill my dreams. Let me share another big secret with you… very few people are “natural” salespeople. Some can naturally generate enthusiasm, but fail to close and follow through. Others can close a sale, but they fail to make a friend, and consequently fail to get the referrals essential to success in sales. The good news is, anyone can create in themselves the necessary personality or skills to do anything.

Now, I’m not suggesting that we need to totally go against the grain of our predisposition. But, if there’s something you’d like to have, or have happen, or not have happen anymore, it very well may require you to step out a bit.

Most of the time, the doctrine is to change. Either change your actions, habits, or even aspects of your root personality. But in most “personal development” material (particularly sales books) little is said about how to do it. Here’s a few ideas from my own experiences on how to start.

Let’s face it: We are what we are because that’s what we’re used to being. We’re comfortable operating in the personality and skill circles that we currently operate in. Generally, that’s because we’re gravitating toward characteristics that partially we’re born with, and partially were encouraged, either by someone who was important to us, or by positive results we received when we exercised those characteristics or skills. And, sometimes, we do not show other traits, or participate in certain activities, because of negative reinforcement we received when we did. It’s simply a matter of conditioning. It’s a mode of operation.

Here’s the great news: We all have what it takes within us to switch to another mode, when the need arises. What I mean is, picture yourself as the person who can do what you want to do. How do they talk? What do they look like? How do they interact with others? How do they approach the kind of challenges you may face? Be as detailed as possible in your description. Write it down, if you like, so you can refer to it later and add to the mental photograph of this capable person.

Now… do those things.

I know, it sounds over-simplified. It is. On purpose. Most things in life are just about as complicated or as simple as we expect them to be. I choose simple.

Have you ever seen in interviews with top actors how they describe “getting in to the character?” Or professional sports players talking about “getting in the zone?” It’s exactly the same thing. They are visualizing themselves as being the character, or being the MVP. They do it so much, and with practice, so effectively that they convince their subconscious mind that they are that person. Then, they can more effectively behave as, or produce the results of, the visualization.

Now, I must emphasize that this isn’t about faking yourself out, being a “poser,” or going pseudo-schitzo. All you’re really doing is learning to amplify or attenuate various aspects of your personality in order to shift yourself into a mode of operation that is more effective to a given situation.

Look at it like a personality toolset. You wouldn’t use a hammer to paint a wall.

Change your perceptions, change your results.

Jason September 22nd, 2006

Let’s start with a very basic (but crucially important) concept here: What you think about becomes real. The more you think about it, the more of it you receive. Your thoughts create it, and bring it to you. The more energy and focus you apply to the thought, the more intense the effect.

So here’s the idea: What about our simple perceptions and observations about the world around us? Do these casual observations have the same effect?

The moment that an observation or perception is made by any of us, it becomes a thought, thus it becomes an act of creation, just like any other thought. The more you reinforce that same observation, the more it becomes a habit, or a general attitude. You’re creating, or drawing to you, exactly what you’re thinking about. So, whatever that perception that you hold of that person/place/thing/idea, the more it becomes that for you.

I meet so many people who want more money, but have a negative attitude about it, or about those who have it. So, before you start blaming your circumstances or the past fruits (or lack of fruits) of your labors for your current situation, check what your perception or ideas about money are. Or, your perceptions about what you’re doing in order to fulfill your goal of more money. Maybe they need altering.

Think of it this way… When you get around someone that has a gripe with you, resentment, or otherwise just plain doesn’t like you, you can tell, right? Most of us can. You just know that person, for whatever reason, just isn’t feeling your vibe. And, chances are, you looked for a way to move on to another situation, relationship, or just another part of the room as quickly as reasonably possible.

Positive attracts, negative repels. If you have an issue with money, then you’re sending out conscious or unconscious signals that you have a negative attitude about money. Thus, money is looking to get to the other side of the room as soon as it can.

Altering your perceptions to improve and attract positive results applies in every aspect of life. I frequently implement this with relationships (people) and situations. For instance, when dealing with “difficult” people, or strained relationships, I regularly experience very rapid transformations in how others respond by altering my perception of them. I choose not to observe the aspects of the person/situation that might be less-than-agreeable to me, and focus on the positive. I believe that by doing this, you’re actually creating two things: You’re bringing out what you feel is the best in that person or situation (if they’re open to it, of course), and you’re also strenghtening the element of that perception that is reflected in you. In other words, you help to improve the person/situation while simultaneously improving yourself!

Of course, this requires a certain amount of mental and emotional discipline until it becomes a habit. But it’s the discipline, which translates to character, which translates to positive results, that makes it worth it.

It’s only temporary.

Jason September 20th, 2006

When it comes to following through on an idea, having a strong level of belief in the viability and potential of the idea is an obvious prerequisite for success. Most people have the ability to believe in an idea strongly for a period of time.

Unfortunately, for many, that period of time may amount to about three minutes. That’s usually the amount of time it takes for someone else to point out all the “problems” or challenges that may surround the idea. If you’re tough enough to make it through the doubters and move on it, inevitably something is going to happen to sway your confidence.

Now is where the rubber meets the road for personal belief. However, a dynamic of belief that leads to success is not only believing in what you’re doing, but also the knowledge that no matter what the current challenge, issue, loss, fear, doubt or failure you may be experiencing happens to be… it is temporary. Knowing that all circumstances are temporary can do wonders to keep you focused and moving on when times are less than ideal, as well as when you’re thinking that you’re all that and a bag of Fritos. As they say, “This too, shall pass.”

Besides, do you really want to go back to what you were doing, thinking, and feeling before you got the gumption to do the “something better” that you’re striving for? While at times it may look attractive to get warm and cozy in that blanket of mediocrity, just remember that when you started all this, the first thing you realized that it really wasn’t all that warm and cozy.

Whoops, I’m doing it again…

Jason September 18th, 2006

I simply will not resist any longer. I know floating around in this cranium, I’ve got stuff to share.

So, let’s start with something that I’ve found myself doing a bunch lately, and that is writing down random thoughts. I’m convinced that everyone… and I mean everyone… has momentary flashes of brilliance. The question is, do we cultivate them? In a way, everyone is an Einstein and an Edison, a Socrates and a Plato, a Mozart and a Jimi Hendrix. We all think or say things from time to time that take our own breath away. But do we build on them?

You’ve heard it said the brain is a muscle. That means that all functions of the brain, from the structured to the creative, are all able to be developed, grown, and stretched. How do we do that? The same way you do a muscle… exercise. Hence, the analogy.

A good way to start exercising is to take the initiative to write down these little epiphanies as they happen. Have you ever noticed that these flashes tend to happen at a time when it’s not all that convenient to take the time to expand upon them? In the shower? On the way to work? At your kids’ softball game? While I’m not yet certain of the reason for that, I believe it is due, in part, to the mind being in a more relaxed state.

So, whatever you do, write it down, plug it into a Word document…whatever works for you. If my laptop is available, I use MacJournal for saving these kinds of thoughts. Otherwise, I carry index cards with me constantly. Get a small personal recorder to make verbal notes if you’re in the car, but be sure to review and write it down later. The simple act of writing things down increases our ability to not only remember those things, but to digest them more fully. By integrating the motor skill of writing with the thought, it’s like telling your subconscious mind, “Wow, that was great. Let’s do that some more.” Your subconscious will recognize the value you placed on that moment of inspiration if you consciously make the effort to acknowledge it. And, consequently, will work to deliver more. Exercise.

Then, review your notes regularly. Sooner than later, you will surprise yourself with some of the insights you’ve come up with. Expand upon them, if possible. Do not force it. If it doesn’t flow, let it go. If it”s valuable for you, it will come.

A big part of understanding the value of this practice comes with first understanding the value of yourself. Of your ideas. Of your potential. But, that’s another topic, for another day…