Good Vibes for Good Lives

Jason December 22nd, 2007

Basics. I love basics. I love them because getting a grip on the basics makes big changes happen. Here’s one of my favorites…

When was the last time you heard (or said) one of the following:

“… really makes me mad.”

“… it just ruined my whole day.”

“… drives me crazy.”

“… gets on my nerves.”

… you get the idea. Negative statements about how some person or thing caused you to react… well… negatively. Most people, including myself, can attest to having made statements like this at some point. Probably recently. Probably regularly.

The truth is, of course, that nothing and no one outside of yourself causes you to be mad, upset, or crazy… and they certainly aren’t responsible for ruining your day. You are.

Yup, here we go again… It’s your responsibility to decide how you want to react. If you get mad, then for whatever reason that’s programmed in your psyche, you wanted to get mad. You wanted to feel crazy. You wanted to have an excuse to write off the day and pout.

Subconsciously, of course. Consciously, you know it’s not the best way to respond, so the simple escape from this accountability is to blame whatever outside source is most convenient.

Getting emotionally out of whack rarely helps a situation. Oh, it can seem to, short-term. You can beat someone down with your anger, and feel better because you got to “vent”. But, long-term, it’s always damaging.

So, unless we want to constant be at the mercy of things you cannot control (namely, other people’s attitudes and behaviors), we need to learn to respond to situations, not react. Big difference.

Responding involves thinking, consciously making choices, then acting.

Reacting is a knee jerk. It’s involuntary. It’s entirely a product of conditioning.

Everything you’ve experienced thus far in your life has conditioned you with the situational responses you currently have. They’re just waiting to be tapped at any moment. To make a scientific analogy, these are like “potential energy”, that when triggered into a reaction, become “kinetic energy.”

I know there are therapies like hypnosis, NLP, and all kinds of other psychological whiz-bangs available designed to help you reprogram your subconscious patterns. I personally have little experience with any of them, so I cannot speak on that.

Personally, I’ve only found one real solution to take control back over your emotions, reactions, and responses, and that’s practice. To me, this makes sense… everything you’ve ever learned and gotten good at took practice. Consistent, conscious effort, applied methodically, improves performance.

Make the decision of how you want to handle yourself in situations. Visualize yourself responding in the manner you want to. Get a picture of what the ideal “you” is like. How you walk, talk, and handle yourself. Emotionally connect with that vision…. how does it feel to be that person. Guess what… that person is already inside you. You just need to bring him or her out!

The first, and most important, step here is to take ultimate responsibility for your own emotions. It is not the other fellow’s fault that you got mad. He’s responsible for his actions, and you’re responsible for you re-actions. Stop blaming outside sources. Now. From this foundation, you can now start the process of disciplining yourself to flow through your daily life on your terms, because you’re no longer turning the power and control over to an outside source.

Sounds great… sounds easy. Takes lots of consistent practice. And practice is never done, because we can always improve upon the vision of our ideal selves. It will take effort, plenty of time, and you must be honest with yourself through the process.

Remember, it’s taken your whole life up to now to learn your current reactions. Now, you’re simply taking control to decide what reactions and responses you want to have.

• Personal Growth
• Comments(0)

Jason December 20th, 2007

I’m one of those people who’s best thinking is often done at 11 PM or later. For whatever reason, that’s when inspiration tends to strike me. Unfortunately, it’s also when Captain Ramble-On-Forever and Dr. Philosophical-Discussion can strike, too. What can I say… it’s in my nature.I recently rescinded a post that I made on one such night at 3 AM. I couldn’t sleep, and had this big, profound, deep thought in my head, so I posted on it. There was nothing really wrong with the post, intellectually… But, I pulled it anyway.

Here’s why:

I got some personal comments like, “Wow, that’s pretty heavy,” and “Gee, I can tell you wrote this at 3 in the morning…”

So, I revisited the post… read it again. And they were right. It was ultra-intense. It was no-fun. And, it just plain didn’t fit the theme of this site.

Now, here’s the reminders:

• Always be aware of how you present yourself. Be consistent. And for heaven’s sake, be positive. This applies in all areas of life, whether in person, on a website, in your email… whatever. Find a groove that works for you and stick to it. If you’re doing anything on the web, always remember: Google can find it, and so can your customers.

• Don’t be afraid to correct yourself. If you find you’ve veered of course in the theme of your presentation for a moment, that’s cool. It means that you’re exploring other angles. But, if the angle isn’t right, doesn’t really fit, or is counterproductive, then fix it. If you can undo it, undo it. If you can’t, then be honest, suck it up, eat your crow, then make it right. Listen to the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) cues from your readers, clientelle, etc. for hints. They will tell you, but usually not directly unless you ask.

• Wait until you’re well rested before you actually do anything public with things you think up at 3 in the morning.

Oh… and, of course…

• If you make a mistake, learn from it.

• Business , Personal Growth , Self Discovery
• Comments(0)

Jason February 4th, 2007

It’s been over a month since my last post, which clearly indicates that this fellow is certainly not in the running for “most prolific blogger.” The good news is, the fact that it has been so long gives me a good point to discuss: Priorities.Blogging is something I do to share, and something I find interesting. It forces me to sharpen my perspective, while offering the opportunity to share those ideas with others. You see, when I did the previous posts I really looked hard at my personal purpose and goal lists, and “blog” was no where on there.

For me, blogging isn’t so much about density as it is about quality. As such, I’m extremely selective in which blogs, forums, etc. that I keep up with. While I’ve recently begun Paul Schele’s “Photoreading” course (amazing stuff - try it before you disregard it as nonsense), I’m currently a relatively slow reader. This means reading takes time, and lots of it. For me, reading is a priority, so I make time for it. But, it has to fit in with everything else, in proper proportion and balance.

Sometimes, I think personal development buffs allow themselves to get so focused on the preparation of personal development that they never actually implement any of the concepts, techniques, or other “stuff” that we learned. Personal development and blogging have both become very valuable industries to those who ultimately put the book down and apply what they learn to their own ventures. Let’s not allow ourselves to get so caught up in activity and “staying busy” that we forget about purpose.

I see people daily who are very busy going as fast as they can to no place in particular. You know the ones I mean. These folks forgot to review their purpose or goal list that morning. They’re involved in every activity, extra-curricular, club, social organization… you name it, under the sun, which is great. I’m a big believer in being involved with your community, church, family, schools, and so on. But there comes a point where, in trying to give 100% to everything, we can give 100% to nothing. We all can grow and stretch to do more, but we all need to know our current limits, too. It’s that balance thing again. Being a leader isn’t about being the leader in everything. It’s about being a leader in the things that are most important to you and your purpose. Besides, maybe the leadership role in that 4th or 5th volunteer association you’re a member of is the perfect training ground for a new, up and coming community leader. Give them that chance.

So, identify what your main purpose and/or goals are. Break it down… over the course of your life, in the next 20 years, next 10 years, next 5 years, next year, next month, next week, tomorrow. Use some of the techniques from my previous post. This may sound intimidating, and it should. It’s probably one of the most challenging things you’re going to do… determining what the heck you really want to do with your life. Just remember, you’re not locked in here on the super-long-term things… these can and will evolve.

The point is:
• Get focused on something.
• Determine the action steps required.
• Do them.

No magic formula here. This is what it takes, day by day. And doing it day by day is the secret. It’s been said the secret to your success is hidden in your daily routine. Whoever said that wasn’t lying. What’s your daily routine? How much of that activity is truly in line with your goals, outlined above? When you get honest about that, if you’re feeling a bit stunned, embarrassed, silly, or what-have-you… Remember:

It’s okay.
You’re not alone.
Now, fix it.

• Leadership , Personal Growth , Personal Success , Self Discovery
• Comments(0)

Jason December 29th, 2006

Admittedly, I might be a bit OCD when it comes to tracking things that are important to me. I have lists, ledgers, and logs for darn near everything. Lists are good. Lists are really good if you review them regularly.That said, I do have to caution against going crazy with organization. Effective organization is one of the greatest efficiency-enhancers, but I have found there is a point of diminishing returns. One can be over-organized. Some organizational concepts and tools sound great, but for me, if it can’t move as fast as I can think, it better be really worth the time I invest into it.

However, far more people are on the side of the equation where greater control over their lives would behoove them. Below are some tips on the primary element of my personal organization armory… Lists.

Most of the lists I keep are pretty standard, but let me share with you some specifics on how I think about these “blase” lists. I’ve placed them in a specific, stacked order, and should build on each other logically along with this flow.

1. Aspirations - Some people call these dreams. That’s cool, but “aspirations” sounds a bit more committed to me. Don’t ask me why. What do you really want to do / have, that maybe you are not able to see the way to yet? No dates needed here… just go crazy. This is the place where your imagination can run wild. Aspirations are allowed to be right on the edge of what you believe can happen for you, but not over it. If you don’t believe it, don’t bother. Without belief that these things can happen, they won’t happen. This list should inspire you, excite you just by reading it. Get pictures or other visual cues to help sharpen your belief and your vision.

2. Goals

Most of us know what a goal is, so I’m not going to expand too much on this. My definition of a “goal” is a dream with a date on it. It has to be measurable and realistic. Keep goal lists for the various areas of your life… Business, Financial, Personal, Family, Spiritual, etc. If you don’t really plan to achieve it in the time frame you set, don’t put it on the list. No use fooling yourself.

3. Plan

Now that you have goals, what are you doing to move toward them… specifically. Make sure your plan does not include things that really are goals. In other words, the plan should simply be a series of doorways to walk through (often repeatedly) that inevitably lead to the achievement of the goal. A plan is, in a way, the Master Task List of what you need to do to reach your goal.

4. Calendar Appointments

Your calendar is, in fact, a list of places to go, people to see. I’m a Mac user, so I use iCal. Some folks prefer more “advanced” applications, like Daylite, but iCal is just perfect for me. A few calendar-keeping tips that I find essential:

• Categorize your calendar. Use color-codes, or whatever system works for you. I break down my calendar quite a bit beyond the usual “personal or business” categories. For example, I keep separate categories for the type of business event it is: Maintenance, or Growth. In other words, does the appointment have a direct impact toward the growth-side of your business or project, or is it more of an administrative thing? This is a great aid in determining where your time is really being spent, and thereby prioritizing your schedule toward the things that are most important.

• Keep EVERYTHING on your calendar. Every single activity I do, from an important meeting to a block of time for my kids, is in my calendar. This is another great tool to keep track of what you’re really spending your time doing. Don’t delete business appointments that were cancelled or postponed by another party. Just recategorize them. While final results are the ultimate necessity, at least when you look back, you know you were on the ball. If you see a lot of cancellations, then maybe an area for improvement is your ability to inspire priority for meetings into the other attendees.

• Share the love. If you and your associates or coworkers are using a computer-based calendar, take advantage of the appointment/calendar sharing abilities it has. iCal is great for this, but there are simple ways to do it with many other applications, like Outlook. Keeping everyone on the same page with each other’s activities breeds teamwork, cooperation, and collaboration. It also helps everyone feel a part of what the company is trying to accomplish. Share calendars with your spouse or significant other, too. It can save a lot of personal scheduling conflicts (ie. arguments) if you do.

5. Tasks

To me, a task list is nothing more than a calendar for things that either happen over longer periods of time, or in less than 15 minutes. Stuff like, “Call Bill,” “Get milk from the store,” or “Do Acme Corp’s. proposal,” or “Develop a Business Plan for X.” I treat tasks just like calendar appointments… The same rules apply regarding categorization. Since tasks are primarily things you and only you need to deal with, I generally do not share task information with others.

6. Opportunities - What real opportunities do you have “in the fire?” I love this list. It shows you what potential you have right in front of you. Having this list prevents time wasted trying to figure out what to do next. It can contain sales prospects that just need a bit more followup before the sale, or people that you want to do a lunch with to see if you may have any mutual interests, and can benefit each other. It can be as big as an entire business idea you have that you’d like to research. This list is like the pot of boiling water; there’s nothing you’re going to do to make it boil faster, but if you don’t keep applying heat (ignore it), it definitely won’t boil. Key point: The idea is to get things OFF this list and either completed, into action, or dropped. It’s not just there to make you feel like someday, you might be able to do something.

7. Finances - Technically, this really isn’t a list. But, it’s an important tangible item to keep tabs on. Know where you’re at, at all times. Few things are more dangerous to long term personal success than financial vagueness. Know your net worth. Know where you spend your money. Know why you spend your money in that way.

Now that you have the lists, here’s two important things to really make them worth the time it took to make them:

• Review your lists regularly. Daily, or even twice a day, if possible. A goal ignored is not aimed for. A task list not carried is useless.

• Remain flexible. Don’t be afraid to change things on the list. This is not the Ten Commandments. As you grow, your priorities may change. That’s okay. Make the necessary adjustments. The point here to get where you want to go, not to aim for something that really isn’t important to you anymore.

• Business , Personal Growth
• Comments(0)

Jason December 18th, 2006

We’ve often heard it said that we cannot really change others, we can only change ourselves. When you come right down to it, I believe this is the case. While we can sometimes influence others, ultimately, it’s up to them to make the decision to change. Additionally, we can only influence change in others inasmuch as we have the relationship, ability, and proper approach to relate to that particular person, and more importantly, they want to change in the first place.So, where does that leave us when we’re stuck? “Stuck” with difficult people or relationships… “Stuck” with financial issues… “Stuck” with whatever we think we’re stuck with…

You already know where I’m going with this, don’t you? The first thing we have to recognize is, 99.9% of our “problems” are caused by ourselves. Yup… suck it up. You did it. Why?

You have a habit, or collection of habits, that don’t really work for you. You just don’t know it yet. Over time, those habits you’ve retained have moved you into the place where you have to deal with the challenge you face.

Why do you have the habit? Because you like it. Because it’s comfortable. Because of some kind of emotional imbalance that started years ago when your mama criticized you in public, or when you got the snot beat out of you by cousin Charlie. Who knows… it could be any collection of patterns that have evolved in your personality. Call them emotional triggers, or behavioral ruts. Either way, they are patterns we have established because, up until now, they’ve worked.

But, maybe they’re not working anymore.

When in the face of adversity, do not become so focused on your percieved opponent that you lose focus of our own form. In other words, keep your cool, and stay focused on your objective. Many times, the easier path is to mould ourselves around the obstacle rather than move or attack the obstacle. The only way you will find your way around or through the challenge is to stay calm and relaxed. Once you get emotional about it, you’re chances of finding the best solution evaporate.
For me, it actually helps me stay calm when I continually recognize that whatever is coming into my life, good, bad, or indifferent, I asked for. There’s nothing to get mad about; you ordered it. Now, either eat it, or send it back. Your choice. Then, learn from it. Figure out why that issue came up, and what you can do to prevent it in the future.

Remember, that’s what difficulties are for… (no, it’s not just to drive you crazy.) They’re for learning. And only when we don’t learn and grow from them are they truly unfortunate.

• Self Discovery
• Comments(2)

Jason November 9th, 2006

Mark Cuban had an excellent post on customer focus this past Tuesday…

• Business
• Comments(0)

Jason November 6th, 2006

Those of you who are “Dune” fans get it. Science-fiction aside, how true this statement is.
While “fear” in and of itself is a huge topic that I’m sure will be revisited, there’s one particular kind of fear I’d like to address now:

Fear of other people’s opinions.

Or, in more common terms, fear of what other people might think. As simple as this sounds, it’s one of the first stumbling blocks that most people encounter when they decide to engage on a path of personal growth and success. There are a myriad of reasons for this, both internal and external. The old “crabs in a bucket” analogy, of course, comes to mind.

Let me say I’m not of the mindset that we just shouldn’t care what anyone thinks. It’s just not that simple. However, we should only care what others think insofar as we don’t take it personally. Other people’s opinions must not negatively affect our self-esteem or sense of self-worth. That, in truth, is the source of our fear. As with all fears, the fear of others, or their thoughts, is a self-preservation reflex. It’s the old, “fight or flight” instinct.

When working to dissolve fears, remember the three “F”s. Fear, Fact, Faith… Fear is easily replacable by either of the other two.

In this case, the Fact is that ultimately, there’s nothing that another person’s attitudes or opinions can do to harm you, unless you allow them to. The Faith is, you have everything you need to fulfill your purpose within you, exactly as you are, and you’re already on your way.
But, let’s take the next step, beyond mere dissolution of the illusion of fear. Let’s turn it into something that actually helps us.

Economy is largely driven, in a sense, by people’s opinions. Their likes and dislikes, tastes, concepts, values, and so on. This goes back to my previous post about finding a way to serve. Find a need (or satisfy an opinion), and fill it. If you serve enough people, and organize that service into an industry, everyone wins. So, pay attention to criticism, but don’t harbor it. Take note of suggestion, but don’t take it personally. Be ready to recognize these signals of possible improvement in any situation.

Learn to recognize the difference between constructive criticism, and just plain nastiness. Remember, most of the time, when someone is verbally attacking you, they’re really attacking an aspect of themselves that they may percieve in you that is being reflected back to them. (Ya… that’s a big one, for expansion in another post.)

The point is, maintain your center, and observe. Everyone around us is a teacher and a master in disguise. From all situations, we can learn, grow, and apply that knowledge to pursue even greater success in our endeavours. And, most of what we learn from managing criticism is how to maintain our calm confidence in the face of adversity… and that’s a big, important lesson that anyone can improve upon.

• Business , Self Discovery
• Comments(1)

Jason October 26th, 2006

An associate of mine made an offhanded comment the other day in conversation that I thought was truly profound. (Incidentally, it seems that’s how some of the most profound comments come about… when they’re not planned.)

He said that one of the reasons most people seem to be constantly chasing their tails in life is because they’re operating on the previous generation’s knowledge. They learned “the way things are” from their parents, mentors, and teachers. And, because most people are not on a path of continual learning and discovery, they’re operating on a set of “facts”, rules, and concepts about life, money, relationships, etc. that are at least 20 years old.

Of course, there are major principles in all areas that never change. They are as solid as the laws of gravity. But, then again, Einstein showed us that even that is relative.

Most people know that the idea of, “Get a good job with a big company and stay there forever” is basically dead. We know it intellectually, but how many of us are really acting on that knowledge? Are we doing anything about it, or are we perhaps really just operating on reflex, on programs running in the background that have been placed there at an early age, through influence of our former (or even current) mentors?

We are all in business, even if we’re not “in business.” We are in the business of building our own lives. We are in the business of managing, promoting, and selling our own skills, in the form of a career (or careers). Are we making proper, long-term, business-like decisions about where we are going? Are we remaining flexible? Are we planning for the future, particularly financially, or are we banking on a 401k? You probably know that Social Security isn’t going to cut it for you, but neither is your 401k, by itself. Be brave, and honest, and do the math, remembering that a good rule of thumb is to figure, on average, every 20 years the cost of living just about doubles. Some people say every 10. I cannot say how many times I’ve heard the story of my grandfather buying two Cadillac’s on the same day in 1970 for $7000… together.

Continuing education is not just something that personal development buffs do anymore. It’s a necessity to even maintain status-quo. If you’re not busy growing, you’re busy dying, or so the saying goes. I’m not saying you need to go back to school, I’m saying you should have never left. If your goal is financial independence at any time in your life, let alone early retirement, continuing education in the areas of finance, investment, and personal management are a must. You cannot afford to operate on old assumptions.

Applied, knowledge is power. Whatever your career skills or personal interests are, become an expert. Experts never stop learning… that’s how they stay experts. And, always take an opportunity to learn something new that you know nothing about. Little is more expensive than trying appear knowledgeable in the presence of those who know more, on a given subject, than you do. Ask questions. If they really know what they’re talking about, they’ll respect you for your sincere interest. We’re all ignorant, just on different subjects. If you are an expert in what you do, you will be the one answering the questions soon enough.

• Business , Personal Success
• Comments(1)

Jason October 18th, 2006

I am not of the mindset that we shouldn’t care what anyone else thinks. I just don’t care what people who don’t care about me think about me. LOL… what a sentence. Otherwise, I think it’s pretty important that we pay attention to the opinions, thoughts, and feelings of others. They are signals pointing out opportunities for us to serve, and a service-mentality is key to all kinds of success, particularly financial.

We are built to interact with other people, and if we plain don’t care about other’s thoughts, opinions, feelings, etc, our relationships probably aren’t going to work out so well. Remember: Success=Happy. And because we’re built to live in harmony with others, at least at some level, People become a big part of the “Happy.” How many people do you know without at least some strong, nourishing relationships that are very happy?

Now, for the dollars and cents of it: Money is simply an expression of our relationships. Joan Sotkin at ProsperityPlace.com does a great job in her podcast illustrating this principle. The more people we serve and interact with, the more money comes to us as a natural byproduct. Money is simply exchanged because you cared enough about what someone else thought, wanted, or needed, and then provided some kind of service that filled that desire. Want more money? Find a way to fill a gap. Find something that people want, and they will pay you for it. Find a big gap, and fill it in a big way, and they’ll pay you big for it. It’s a pretty simple equation.

• Business , Personal Success , Self Discovery
• Comments(0)

Jason October 13th, 2006

Check out these lyrics to the old tune, “Fight Like A Brave” by Red Hot Chili Peppers. I’d say they know something about success, on their own terms. Be sure to get a copy of the tune from iTunes or your favorite place that you pay for good music!

• Just For Fun
• Comments(0)